28 November 2016
Before I ventured into being a mum I had a lot of time to be incredibly selfish. I loved to dream, to plan, to organise and to accomplish. I used to think about being a mum with a sense of smugness, I knew it all and I was going to be an amazing mum. I read every parenting book on the planet just so I could be sure I had it organised.
I would never lose my temper with my children. I would never let my children run around with their shoes on the wrong feet. I would never wear gym clothes all day. I would never leave face painting on their faces for five days. I would never let them eat sugar. I would never let them wear a Cinderella outfit for a full week. We would never skip tooth brushing or hair brushing because of the drama. I would never be “that” mum. I would spend my days with my children reading books, visiting national trust parks, going to libraries, museums, doing crafts, and exploring the outdoors. I was going to be the very first Super Mum.
It turns out there is a very good reason that no one has ever made it to be the first ‘Super Mum’ Super Mums do not exist in real life, ONLY on Social Media as part of the one up-mum-ship banter.
So why do we fail at being Super Mum? We fail because Children have their own set of rules that don’t quite ‘Fit’ the super mum plan.
Super Mums try to only watch a film such as ‘Frozen’ once and not 8 million times on repeat.
Super Mums want to stare at their beautiful floor length mirrors admiring their outfits of choice and not simply sobbing into them, remembering their old bodies whilst attempting to remove sticky finger marks with used tissues or baby wipes.
Super Mums fridges contain many mix and match options of the M&S meal deal without a homemade concoction in sight.
Super Mums Fizzy is alcohol and not just the left over fresh orange that is left fizzing away like a ticking time bomb.
Super Mums fruit bowl is adorned with fabulous polished exotic fruits without a tiny bite mark taken from each apple in sight.
Super Mums toilet roll holder is bursting with cushioned, bouncy, scented and embossed quiltedness and not the brown cardboard that is often seen there now.
‘Time out’ for Super Mum is a European mini break to refresh whereas in reality it resembles putting yourself on the bottom stairs to grab 5 mins’ sanity time.
Super Mums designer handbags only fit keys, a credit card and a lipstick. Real Mums carry a hand/backpack that would equally do for a small village road trip to Antarctica.
I am a mum of three, and motherhood didn’t look like I thought it would. I often find myself doing things and saying things that I don’t recognize.
Have I lost myself, in my bid to be the Super mum I wonder?
No chance, I conclude, quite the opposite.
I have found myself. I look in the mirror and see a woman who has put her children’s needs first. I see a woman who never thought she could get angry, but has now learned to ask for forgiveness and put herself in time out. I look in the mirror and see a woman who will never have her pre-mum body back, but is ok with the scars and is doing her best with the residual weight. I see a woman whose house is disorganized because a lot of time is spent keeping the day to day routine going whilst holding down a full-time job. I also see a woman who is much quicker to ask for help and recognize when she needs it. My now mum self sees more of her faults and knows her limitations.
I can’t be perfect, so I’ve stopped trying. I am much more accepting and gracious of myself than I ever have been in my life. It sometimes catches me by surprise. Who is that? I never thought I could be this disorganized. I never thought that I could just walk away from my 24/7 full on career and really be ok with a little time off when I need it. But I am.
Motherhood has made me see my identity in a whole new light. What I see is a woman who depends on her husband and friends more than ever before and recognizes her need for grace. It turns out losing myself in the Super mum challenge wasn’t such a bad thing after all.
I hope you have had a great November and here’s to a wonderful, dysfunctional, Family,Fun, filled December.
Bring on the Mince Pies!
Take care everyone
(Managing Director of Evolution Childcare)